DGM Drabbles
by Rinnu500
Summary: Experience the day to day life at the Order! And try not to get killed... Warning: Might contain OOC-ness and bishie hotness in extreme amounts.
1. The TRUE Meaning Of Life!

**Ritsu: Enjoy :D ! Oh and uh... this is merely the beginning! Believe me, it will get much more interesting...**

**Lenalee: Ritsu owns nothing except her own ideas.**

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><p><strong>The TRUE Meaning Of Life<strong>

"So you see Lavi, I know the very thing thousands have pondered on and failed to discover!" you spoke with enthusiasm, flailing your arms in the air, which made the chair you were currently seated on rock back and forth dangerously.

"And that is, [Name]-Chan?" he asked, a small glint in his eyes. Your thoughts were always rather… interesting and unique.

"The meaning of life! And not the crappy meaning! The TRUE meaning of life!" you continued happily, grinning at the Usagi-Cookie **[1]**. Said cookie nodded to show he was listening, and so you gave him the brilliant answer.

"To get into Kanda's pants! And I mean like… literally! Not, you know, sleep with him! Just get into his pants, when he's not in them. So I guess some stripping IS required but that's beside the point!" you finished all in one breath, taking a deep one after you had ended the sentence. Lavi felt his eye twitch, as he stared at you in slight shock.

"Wh-what?"

"… You heard me!"

"[Name]-Chan… I don't think-"

"Hey Lavi, [Name]-San!" Allen suddenly called, sitting down next to the two of you. He flashed a smile at you and asked what you were so happy about.

"Finding out the meaning of life! Although Lavi doesn't believe me…"

"Why's that Lavi?" Allen asked in confusion, tilting his head to his side like a lost puppy.

"Because she said it was to get into Yuu's pants!"

"…"

"When he's not in them!"

"So basically, you're planning on stealing his pants?"

"Yes."

"…"

"… He's right behind me, isn't he?"

"Yep…"

"… Hello Kanda… You know I love you, right?"

"Die!"


	2. The TRUE Meaning Of Hiding!

**Ritsu: ;O; My first two reviews ever! (The absolutely first one doesn't count… cause that one was from my sister…) ;;O;; *is so happy* So that's why I'm putting up another chapter… XD Out of sheer happiness… Also, the [1] on the earlier chapter was just to clarify that Usagi-Cookie is just one of many nicknames for Lavi. So yeah XD**

**My thanks to The Midnight Shadow Star and yayasuki~ **

**Daisya: Ritsu owns nothing, cause Tyki escaped with all of her stuff~**

**Ritsu: SHH! THAT'S A SECRET!**

Because of certain…events, you were currently in hiding. Of course, this was the 53476498th hiding place so far, the others having been victim to Kanda's wrath. To think he could cut through that army of level 4s so quickly… You'd been sure hiding place 53476497 would have made it. Alas, it didn't.

_And they claimed to be immortal and oh so powerful, PFFT! _You thought to yourself grumpily.

"Well, there's no way he'd ever find me here…"

"What the hell are you doing here, woman?"

"…"

You slowly turned your head around, seeing the various Noahs scattered around the place. The one yelling, Debitto if you remembered correctly was making his way towards you. And he didn't look happy. But you gave him a deadpan look, giving him the finger too.

"I'm in hiding, bugger off. My life depends on this…" you explained, shuddering at the things you thought Kanda would do to you. Yes, he could be cruel indeed…

"… How did you even get _here_?" another Noah questioned, gesturing wildly. You shrugged. "Getting into the Noah HQ isn't THAT hard, really." You noted, flashing them an evil grin and a peace sign. "So yeah, I'll just hide here for a bit." you stated in a firm tone, before returning to your previous 'hiding' mode.

**Three hours later Kanda broke through one of the walls yelling how he'd maim you and shove his sword up your nose four times.**

**You are still missing to this very day.**

**I was joking. **

… **About the missing part. Not the Kanda part.**

**[Extended Crack Ending]**

"BUT KANDA! I JUST WANT YOUR PANTS!"

"WHY?"

"BECAUSE THEN I CAN PROVE THE MEANING OF LIFE AND GET THAT SHINING LLAMA I ALWAYS WANTED!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Oh look! It's a riceball! Wonder why it's here…"

"I'm still going to %¤")&(¤)" your /%)/="¤#"with my sword and &/")=!"!¤#"¤& you when the #!¤"&)/"==?/=# is done."

"… Can I eat it?"

"DIE #!%¤"===/=!#&%=!"

**Ritsu: What is this I don't even… D': Yeah just… XD IDK… I'm not that happy with this chapter… but, I have a much better plot for the next one XD So yeah… **

**Lavi: … You knew where the Noah base was, and didn't tell us?**

**Ritsu: … Technically, the reader knows, not me.**

**Kanda: …**

**Ritsu: If you're not gonna say anything, you can get out of my notes, Kanda! D:**

**Kanda: … You, are an idiot.**

**Ritsu: I am indeed :D**


	3. The True Meaning Of Foreplay!

**Ritsu: Right! Here goes…!**

**Tyki: c: Hello there…**

**Ritsu: … 0.0'**

**Tyki: Ritsu owns nothing. But I own you all now… Come join the Tyki group hug… 8D**

**Ritsu: … No thanks…. **

**Tyki: … D:**

**Ritsu: ;O; *cries* These reviews… are just… making me cry… ;A; *is happy beyond what's describable* Just… THANK YOU :'D**

**Alright… Focus! Time to write! *Is still supposed to be working on Night Rain* … . I think reviews drive me… oh dear… XD**

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><p>"Okay… When hiding from the enemy, hide in the place they'd never check…" you mumbled, ransacking through the closet before you. <em>Kanda's<em> closet, if one cared for specifics. Why were you in Kanda's room? Because he'd never even consider you'd be stupid enough to actually hide there! A brilliant mind makes brilliant plans.

Of course, it was getting late, so Kanda would probably go back to his room for the night soon. Therefore, you were scouting for a hiding place (and a pair of his pants) should you not have enough time to escape. The closet was your best bet, so when you heard steps approaching you quickly headed inside it and closed the closet doors behind you.

_Alright… I'll just hide in here… and then when he goes to sleep I'll escape with a pair of his pants!_

Cue random pair of pants hits you in the face. Kanda carelessly threw his clothing inside the closet, muttering about you all the while, hitting you several times. Your small cries of pain (he threw hard man!) thankfully got muffled by the small heap of clothes now covering you, and Kanda closed the closet yet again, most likely heading for bed.

A few minutes later you could vaguely hear his breaths get slower and more heavyish. Pumping your fist, you removed the shirt and co (keeping the pants, of course.) and slowly opened the doors. _Yes!_ You thought to yourself happily, slowly sneaking towards the door. Almost there!

But then you turned around, which one during an escape, should NEVER do. Yes, you suffered the effects immediately. Kanda's sleeping face drew you in like a fly to light. In mere seconds you found yourself staring at Kanda's face at a one meter distance. You resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, and instead reached inside one of your pockets, pulling out a camera. Getting a good angle you pressed _the_ **BUTTON**.

The camera flashed, and that was when you realized what you had just done. You had awoken the beast.

Slapping a hand to your face you muttered curses before running, dodging the sword aimed at you. Kanda kept Mugen under his pillow huh, who knew? You rushed to the cafeteria, your screams and Kanda's yells successfully having woken up half of the order. And that Levellier was here too! Bloody brilliant.

So now surrounded by an audience you pleaded Kanda not to slay you. Which he ignored, proceeding to try and cut you (and some spectators) into two.

So you did what had to be done. You pulled on his pants (the ones you grabbed earlier, remember?) in a flash, and stretched your arms to the sky, or roof in this case.

"…"

"…"

"Nothing's happening…" a random finder noted, who had been expecting _something_ from your dramatic pose.

"… [Name]-Chan… what exactly… were you hoping would happen?" Lavi asked, now walking towards you from the crowd. You shook your head.

"I dunno… confetti… some loud voice telling me I solved the meaning of life… something..?"

"… All you did was wake everyone up and make Kanda even more angry than usual…"Allen noted, a drop of sweat sliding down his face.

Kanda finally decided to stop being frozen and raised his sword again. That's when _he_ spoke.

"Really, I don't believe stealing someone's clothes is especially proper." Levellier noted, smirking while looking at you.

"… Well… they were the meaning of life…. Till now…" you muttered, your face now red form embarrassment.

"That's certainly the best excuse I've heard so far. Please continue your little foreplay somewhere else, and do it quietly this time." Levellier continued, before leaving the cafeteria. **[1]**

No one said a word. No one dared to, afraid Kanda would cut them to pieces. Which he probably would to _you_ anyway, so you decided to comment.

"Wow! I didn't know this stuff turned you on, Kanda! I guess this means we're a couple now, huh!" you noted with a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge and sadistic grin on your face.

Which wasn't the brightest idea.

Remember that thing about being quiet? Yeah well, the ongoing explosions and screams didn't grow silent until early morning. Needless to say, not many got any proper sleep. And not that many survived either…

"NOT THE FACE!"

**[Extended Crack Ending]**

"Link, would you wish to try such play?"

"What do you mean sir?"

"Do you wish for me to wear your pants while you flaunt around in your underwear?"

"Sure…"

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><p><strong>Ritsu: … One of these days… I'll end up writing something seriously directly sexual… and not just hints of it… X'D Rue that day people… cause that'll be the day I ruin your minds forever… .<strong>

**Jasdero: Where's the sandwich you promised to make me? D:**

**Ritsu: Oh it's right here! *hands sandwich***

**Jasdero: *noms* :3**

**Ritsu: Alright then… XD**

**[1] … Like said in the crack ending… the underwear thing XD Kanda didn't bother getting dressed before running after you. ****Shame he doesn't go commando… Just saying…**


	4. The TRUE Meaning Of Masochism!

**Ritsu: Firstly… Kanda has more screentime than Lavi and Allen… and yet they stand as the 'main characters' XD… secondly these reviews… at this rate my other stories will be abandoned… XD Oh well~ My newest lil' angry bird's sitting here with me :3 Now there's… four of them + bed sheets and covers and a pillowcase and a piggeh pillow my mom bought for me today~~ :3 And as for the chapter title… you'll see ;) Also, I guess you could say that since this doesn't really follow the DGM plot, obviously, it's pretty much AUish. I might bring in some of the past-anime (The newer chars in the manga etc) characters eventually. I haven't done that so far because I dunno how many people out there who's up to date on the manga and I don't want to spoil anyone… XD**

**Millennium Earl/Mearly: This is certainly one long AN… I'm tempted to send an akuma after you… :/**

**Ritsu: … I'll just… start the chapter…**

**Mearly: Good. :/**

**Ritsu: … I own nothing but my crazed mind… And my angry birds.. so don't touch them… D: *has even named them all* **

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><p>A few days had passed since the incidents, and Kanda seemed to be calmer, but you'd yet to see for yourself. But you <strong>did <strong>know he hadn't tried to kill you again. _Yet_. After a while everyone pretty much learned not to trust Kanda's rage. Eventually he would attempt to slay you again. That was just one of the order's seven truths.

However, it had been well due the usual amount of time, which had you worried.

Was Kanda losing motivation to chase you around and try to hurt you?

If so, something had to be done. He simply could not choose to suddenly NOT want to kill you! That's what your very relationship was based on!

With determined steps you headed towards Kanda's room, running over some finders on the way. And perhaps Komui too, you didn't really pay attention, and it's not like he was a main character anyway…

Once you reached Kanda's room(You'd memorized the room's location by now) you knocked, or rather, banged as hard as you could on the door.

…

No answer.

And so you did what a majority of people would've done. You kicked down the door.

And there he sat, on the bed, butt naked.

Okay, that last one was a lie. Sorry, you'll have to wait more chapters before any fanservice _that_ good.

"… What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Start trying to kill me again. You're ruining our relationship by acting like this, Kanda. Stop being selfish and try imagining how **I** feel."

"…"

"… Or else I'll rape you?"

"…"

The look he gave you proved he didn't believe a word you said. Or believed you weren't good enough to pull that off. Either way, he made no move to hurt you.

"Alright, that does it Kanda! Meet me in the cafeteria, in one hour! If you don't show up, I'll tell Komui you have a secret photo stash full of half-naked Lenalee pictures!"

And with that said, you dashed out of his room, realizing you needed to come up with a plan.

Which, a normal person would've come up with _before_ challenging the beast…

Nonetheless, you headed for the cafeteria, trying to think of a good plan.

And then it dawned upon you.

Rubbing your hands together, you cackled evilly.

_This is sure to get him to hurt me again… HAHAHAHAHAHAH- COUGHCOUGHHACKACKKKK…. Note to self: no evil mental laughing…_

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><p>Time seemed to tick by fast, and soon you realized an hour had passed. You gazed around the room, trying to see if Kanda had showed up or not. And then you saw him, walking towards you, his hair swishing with every move. He did the famous bishie walk. It was actually banned in the order, but Kanda probably didn't care, and you didn't either. Stopping a few meters away from you, he raised an eyebrow.<p>

"What do you-" he started before being interrupted. You had, without hesitation, smashed a chair in his face. He hit the floor, knocked out.

"There, that should get you to go sadist on me again…" you muttered, throwing the remains of the chair to the side.

The others present stared in confusion.

"[Name]-San…"

For some reason General Theodore **[1]**was there, and he worriedly glanced between you and his beloved 'son'.

"… Some people just need a high-five… to the face… with a chair…" you explained before leaving, now on a hunt to find Lavi and bugger him into hiding your sorry bum for when Kanda would wake up.

"… I think she's developed some sort of masochism…" Marie noted, getting a few nods in agreement.

**[Extended Crack Ending!]**

All around the order, random 'chair-fives' were reported. The cause behind this was not a human, but rather Komurin XXXVIIIIV. Komui had saw it fit to upgrade his greeting arsenal, causing said robot to smash chairs onto anyone entering the room.

Allen took care of the robot after getting face-chaired for the fifth time.

Sadly, this was after Cross had gotten hit. Several wings of the order remained inaccessible for weeks. Including the hospital wing.

T'was a dark time for the order indeed.

But you were too busy reading your latest book to care.

"They'll be fiiiine."

"GYAAAAAAHHH! SHISHOU**[2]**! STOP!"

"GENERAL CROSS! PLEASE DON'T DO THAT!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"… I knew they'd be fine~"

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><p><strong>Ritsu: … I have a lot of extended endings.. don't I? XD<strong>

**Allen: Yep, you sure do… And I'm still sore mind you…**

**Ritsu: … I didn't know he'd rape you… sorry Allen, I'll make sure to repay you!**

**Allen: …He didn't-**

**Ritsu: But now for the explanations!**

**[1] **Theodore, Tiedoll, tell me what spelling you prefer XD IDC either. Same goes for Levellier, Rouvellier, Ruberio, Levrier, Lvellie… whichever you like XD I can even call him Malcolm if you want…

**[2] **Japanese for master. XD Allen calls him that. I can just write Master too I guess… Your choice. XD


	5. The TRUE Meaning Of Friends!

**Ritsu: **These drabbles keep getting longer and longer...** ANYWAY. You get two chapters today/night… :3 This one, and the next one, WHICH IS A BONUS!  
><strong>

**Lavi: Indeed, a LAVI bonus! ;D**

**Ritsu: …. Note that this means there will be more bonuses every once and again… I have another one planned (Not which char to use though…)…:3 And the bonuses focus on yourself and ONE other character. It can be ANY character I know about (Which is pretty much everyone since I'm up to date on the manga, so make a suggestion if you want, or I'll choose myself.). And the bonus today/night is Lavi 'cause I love that rabbit… And Kanda has been stealing his screentime XD **

**Lavi: Yeah! D:**

**Ritsu: So yeah… Note that you can suggest a character that's already been given a bonus… also, they have NIENTE to do with the whole other plot. At ALL.**

**Lavi: You should put this info on the actual bonus.. you know..**

**Ritsu: … Well… I'm not gonna! D: Now, disclaim!**

**Lavi: Right, right… Ritsu-Chan owns nothing, except the things and people she can own without getting copyright issues. Also, warning: the beginning is actually serious… Wait, how is that a warning?**

**Ritsu: … Heheh…**

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><p><em><strong>Friends:<strong>__ Friends are the people you can ask anything. They'll always be there for you._

_I have to ask those two for help! Otherwise… Otherwise I…. I can't get through this without them!_

With these thoughts in your head, you quickly left the area, heading for the closest village.

It took a while to get there, and you were tired from having to run so far. But nonetheless you knocked on the closest door, a young woman answering.

"Yes? What can I help you with?"

"Can I… use the phone?" you spoke between breaths, giving her a pleading look. She ushered you inside and showed you the phone, asking if she could get you anything. You told her no in a polite voice and had your golem attach itself to the phone cord.

It took only a few seconds before you got a response.

"_Hello?_"

"Hey umm, Komui, can you put Allen and Lavi on the phone?"

"_Well sure… I guess so. Is everything alright?_"

"Well yes, but I messed up a bit on my mission, and I really need to talk to them."

"_Okay then… Hold on a minute._"

A few minutes went by in silence, and the young woman owning the house came by asking if there was anything you needed again. You declined again, and assured her you'd take care of any phone costs. Once she had left again, a familiar voice spoke on the phone.

"_Komui said you needed to talk to us about something?_"

You let out a sigh of relief when Allen spoke. Since he said 'us', you assumed Lavi was standing next to him, listening in on the conversation.

"I need your help… do you think you could come here? I'm-"

"_Alright. You're in the village close to where your mission sent you to, right?_"

"Yeah… Thanks… And please hurry, or else I'll…" you trailed off.

"_You'll… what? Hey, [Name]-San, you're not hurt, are you?_"

And right at that moment, the line cut off, ending the call. You sighed sadly. Now they were sure to get the wrong idea and worry themselves so badly they'd end up getting hurt. But your attempts to call again failed, and you could do nothing but sit down on the outside perch of the house, declining the woman a third time. However, she handed you a sandwich anyway.

Silently eating the sandwich you waited patiently for your friends. Hey were sure to come rushing by anytime now.

And right on cue, there they were.

"Are you okay? Where does it hurt? Who hurt you?" Lavi, who was the first one to reach you, spoke all in one breath. Once you'd made out what he was trying you say, you shook your head quickly.

"I'm not hurt, relax! I was gonna tell you, but the line got cut off!" you explained quickly, trying to calm down the now two worrying exorcists. You further explained your reasons for calling. There was something important they had to help you with.

"Come on, I'll show you." you spoke, gesturing for them to follow you.

You led them back to the area your mission had sent you to. A small forest, in which akuma had apparently been sighted. None had attacked the nearby village yet, and your job was to make sure that didn't happen. Which you had, however…

"…"

"… [Name]-Chan… why is there… a dead guy… here?"

"… Cause… I thought he was an akuma in disguise and… I might have… accidentally killed him…" you spoke, your cheeks red and a nervous expression on your face. Lavi twitched, and Allen said nothing. He simply looked at you with an awkward expression.

"[Name]-San… Anti Akuma weapons... doesn't really… work on humans... you know…**[1]**" Allen finally spoke, giving you an apologetic look.

"Well.. I thought that he was a higher level Akuma… and that my weapon was too weak… or he was immune or something… so… I took that tree," you pointed at the tree a few meters away, "-and cut it down with my weapon… which made it fall on the guy… and uhh… now he's… not moving and stuff…"

"…"

"So… you want us to help you cover this up…?"

"What? Oh NONONONO! God no... I'd never ask that of you! I'll have Komui deal with it when I get back. I need _your_ help to dig a hole to bury him in~"

"…"

"… Fine, I'll dig it myself."

"No, no. We'll help!"

"Thanks guys~ You're the best friends I could ask for~"

"… You better think so, considering we're helping you bury a corpse…"

**[Extended- Look, you should know what it is by now..]**

"So anyway… Who do you think this guy is?"

"Hmm… He looks rich…"

"[Name]-San! Stop going through the man's pockets!"

"… Sorry… But hey, I think I figured out who it is!"

"Oh?"

"The mayor of that village! He must've gone here to see if I had done my job!"

"… You mean, you killed… the mayor, of the town you were supposed to protect?"

"… You make it sound like I meant to kill him…"

"[NAME]-SAN! I told you NOT to do that!"

"But… he doesn't need his money anyway! He's dead now!"

"Sigh…"

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><p><strong>Ritsu: … :3 Friends, the people helping you get rid of corpses.<strong>

**Allen: …**

**Lavi: … Oh well~ I get a bonus chapter, so I'm fine with this~**

**Allen: … I'm no better than Shishou…**

**Ritsu: … Hey, helping friends is better than forcing a poor kid to take care of your debts, and abuse him.**

**Allen: …**

**Ritsu: ANYWAY~**

**[1] At SOME point I know I've read something like this… Around the Timothy part (MANGA)… Whether it's only for Allen's Sword or not, I don't know. But if it is, I'm making it so it goes for your weapon too.**


	6. He Needs To Get Laid, Lavi Bonus!

**Ritsu: I wanted to give you guys both Christmas and New Year bonuses… but… I didn't have the time D: So, you get this instead. And a chance to vote for the next bonus's character… So yeah!**

**Kanda: Tch, bonuses are for wimps.**

**Lavi: … Someone's a bit jealous he lost screentime to me~**

**Ritsu: Coochie coo~ Kanda Poo~**

**Kanda: *growls***

**Ritsu: That's hot. Anyway~ Now it's time for Lavi to shine, so without further ado, let's begin! Oh and remember, these have NOTHING to do with ANY OF THE OTHER CHAPTERS AT ALL (Which also means.. if I WANT TO, I can even make it so that the bonuses have PAIRINGS MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!). Unless you want them to… Just tell me! XD You make me happy, and so I'll gladly obey any wishes you guys have! C:**

**Lavi: Ritsu owns nothing, even though she wishes she owned me ;)**

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><p>Something had bothered you for quite some time now, and you really wanted to get to the bottom of this worriesome thing. You'd talked with Allen, and he didn't know what could possibly be the reason. Kanda tried to cut you down. Bookman was too busy. Komui kept ranting about Lenalee. Lenalee didn't know either. In fact, no one at the order seemed to know.<p>

And it bothered you even further. And so, you decided to get to the root of the problem. You decided to ask Lavi himself what was wrong. Because you were certain there was _something_ wrong with Lavi. And you were dead set on finding out what it was.

Of course… there was the matter of finding him first. However, your inner Lavi-sense told you he had to be somewhere at the order. So you checked the usual places. The cafeteria, his room, the library, Kanda's room, Allen's room… you checked everywhere, and concluded he wasn't inside.

So you figured he had to be _outside_. Now, normally there wasn't much to see outside of the order. But, because you had unusually good skills with everything green, there now grew some trees here and there, and you could even find some small flower fields.

You quite enjoyed leaning against a tree outside and just lose yourself. And you figured Lavi might've started to enjoy that too. Who knew, with that guy everything came as a surprise…

However, Lavi wasn't there, to your disappointment. But you decided to sit down for a while, since he obviously couldn't be at the order now that you'd checked everywhere.

Closing your eyes you leaned back against your favourite tree, just enjoying the wind on your face.

"Where could he be, I wonder…" you spoke, getting interrupted by a yawn. Deciding a short nap couldn't be that bad, you allowed sleep to overcome you.

"You're gonna get a cold if you sleep out here, you know."

"I was just taking a short nap…"

"I heard you've been asking about me."

"Yeah, cause I couldn't find you."

"Well, here I am, ask away."

You opened your eyes, meeting that lovely green eye of Lavi's. But then you got bothered again. There it was, that expression on his face. It shouldn't be there. He should never have that look on his face. The look that clearly said he was upset about something.

And you didn't think that, just because he was next in line to become a Bookman. No, you didn't care about that even. You just didn't want Lavi to be bothered or upset. You wanted him to be happy and cheerful. Hell, you didn't even care if marrying Lenalee or Kanda or Allen, or anyone for that matter, made him happy. The point of all this rambling is that, you hated the Bookman 'job', and that you wanted Lavi to NEVER have to be sad about ANYTHING.

But you knew that, he was going to become a Bookman, whether you or anyone else liked it.

"Alright then… I'll just ask away, but first I want you to sit." you replied, patting the grass next to you. He complied, now sitting next to you. You had expected that to at least cheer him up a little bit, but there was no change in his demeanor.

You sighed, causing Lavi to look at you. You gave him a small smile.

"I'm not stupid you know, although I might act like it most of the time." You started, focusing your eyes on a small patch of flowers in front of you.

"I know that… but what does that have to do with any-" Lavi started before you raised an arm as if to say stop. He got silent again.

"So don't think I haven't noticed, because I have. You're upset about something, and I damn well deserve to know what. I _want_ to know." you continued, eyes now set on Lavi, a determined look on your face. Lavi put on that fake smile, trying to convince you nothing was wrong, you'd learnt to see through. You learned a long time ago, how to see when his smiles were genuine. And so, you slapped him.

"Ouch… what was that for?"

"You deserved that one. I just told you I'm not stupid. Don't try to tell me everything's fine! And don't give me that fake smile!"

"But everything IS fine [Name]-Chan!"

"No it's not! If it was, you'd ruffle my hair and tell me I'm seeing things! You'd say nothing could possibly be wrong since you have so many great friends and that if something WAS wrong you'd tell me! But you're not! Does that mean you were lying all those times? Are you gonna lie to my face?"

By now, the two of you were yelling. And normally neither of you would do that, which proved that he was in fact upset, and that you were troubled by it.

"…"

"… I see. I really want to help my friends when they're troubled… But why is it, that you never want the help?" I asked, refusing to look at him.

"[Name]-Chan…"

"Lavi, just… tell me what's wrong. Because if you don't, then… then I'm not going to talk to you until you do!"

"You… really aren't planning on giving up, are you?"

"No."

"Even if I tell you it's nothing important, and that I'm just being stupid?"

"No, because you're important to me, and I hate that face."

_Like I'd just let you walk around when I know something's wrong!_

"..What?"

"The face you have now. The one that looks bothered. I hate it."

"… Well, gramps gave me a scolding is all…" he finally admitted, scratching his head while looking at his feet.

"About everything, I bet."

"Yeah… about everything. How I'm not supposed to feel anything, how I'm too friendly and too involved with everyone…"

"Well, I say screw him."

"…[Name]-Chan?"

"I don't like the Bookman thing. In fact I hate it so much I could kill someone to get rid of it. So if he says one thing, I say the other. I don't see why one can't be biased when recording history, and feel when they're not. Also, I was serious. He needs to get laid, obviously, considering how he acts." you explained, your voice in a deadly serious tone. You meant every word of it.

"… I'm not.. gonna… [Name]-Chan… you…" Lavi was practically speechless, and could only look at you stupidly, his eyes wide and his mouth open.

"… Sorry. I know that you chose to become the next Bookman… but…" you started, fidgeting with your hands. How should you explain, you weren't sure. It's not like you were heads over heels in love with the guy, but he mattered to you. Lost in your thoughts, you didn't hear Lavi's words, and jumped when his head hit your shoulder.

"Wha-?"

"I said thanks. You get lost in your thoughts too easily, [Name]-Chan!" this time, his smile was genuine. You blinked, making a short hmm sound.

"Now I know what to tell the old man the next time he scolds me… heh…" he mumbled, his face nuzzling your neck. Now this was normal behaviour. You sighed in content. You did find out what was wrong, and you seemed to had solved it somewhat. Though, you worried you might end up suffering some injuries should Lavi ever actually tell Bookman to get laid…

But for the moment, that was fine. You patted Lavi's hair gently. You'd always liked his hair. It was even softer than your own, but apparently not as soft as Kanda's according to your resources. But you didn't care. This guy enjoyed when you played around with his hair. A certain someone else, didn't.

* * *

><p>A few hours later Allen and Lenalee found the two of you asleep under the tree, and none of them wanted to wake you up.<p>

So when you woke up with a horrible fever, and you couldn't stop coughing, the next day… they were stuck babysitting you, as you were stuck in the sickbay. Lavi got away easily, of course. He had a fever sure, but he didn't cough till his lungs were about to explode.

When your two slaves grew tired however, you decided they weren't efficient enough, and fired them ("We weren't hired in the first place, [Name]-San!").

Since no one could make you food, you went to sleep, too 'sick' to get up and do it yourself.

* * *

><p>And the day after THAT… the order awoke to the angry yells of the matron.<p>

"MISTER LAVI! THAT IS **NOT** APPROPRIATE! SHE'S SICK ENOUGH AS IT IS!"

"But I'm giving her my body heat!"

"… It _is_ warmer than yesterday… actually…"

"See?"

"GET OUT!"

"Buuuut…. [Name]-Chan likes when I touch her like this~"

"You may do that in your own room, but here it is NOT allowed! Get out this instant!"

And the five **[1]** exorcists outside twitched violently, obviously misinterpreting things.

He was only giving you some body heat! Honestly! Just hugging! Nothing else went on under the covers! Really!

"… I think… we should… visit at another time when they're not… engaging in certain… activities…" Komui spoke, the others nodding in agreement.

But obviously, no one believed that it was purely innocent.

* * *

><p><strong>Ritsu: :'D It was even longer than usual~ Mwahahah~ It went from angstishness to fluff to pervertedness… I hope you guys like it, anyway XD <strong>

**Lavi: What did we do under the covers, indeed~**

**Ritsu: … Indeed~ So yeah, if you guys actually read these author notes, feel free to send in suggestions on characters and plots and whatnot else you feel like suggesting! Really! I don't bite XD ... Oh and this is the result of hours and hours of listening to The Legend Of Zelda Skyward Sword's Fi OSTs... Fi's theme... in three different versions...XD  
><strong>

**[1] Just to you know… clarify… Komui, Allen, Daisya, Marie and Miranda was outside… XD But yes… I hope you enjoyed~**


	7. The TRUE Meaning Of RPGS!

**Ritsu: … XD I have been busy with school, not to mention I've gotten sick. But Now I shall update ~ XD **

**Komui: You're always sick…**

**Ritsu: … True…**

**Komui: Now give me some screentime!**

**Ritsu: … I own nothing, and uhh… sorry Komui, you get none! Because I'm sadface… I only got a B on my short story for Swedish class… ;_;**

* * *

><p>Sighing deeply, you crossed your arms. A small blue cloud was flying above your head, indicating your depression.<p>

"… Why won't anyone play with me…? Sigh…"

"Play what?"

"AH! YOU… YOU… TYKI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"… Killing time."

"… Killing… time… YOU KILLED MIRANDA**[1]**?"

"… No."

"… Oh well, if you say so I'll believe you! Oh and uhh… no one wants to play the RPG game with me…"

It was true. You had asked everyone. Kanda, Lavi, Allen, Lenalee, Johnny, Daisya, Marie, Theodore, Cross, Cloud, Miranda, Timothy**[2]**, Komui… the list goes on. And now, the whole order avoided you because of your depressed cloud. Apparently it zapped anyone getting too close. But then, Tyki was…?

You looked over at him, seeing him zap free. Seemingly reading your mind, he pointed above your head. The cloud was gone.

"… YOU MADE IT GO AWAY! So then… that means I get happy around you?"

"I have that effect on girls~"

"… I thought I made this clear already… I am not, in any kind of way, going to please you sexually. Face it, Tyki."

"… So what is this game about?" he asked suddenly, a small mini cloud now hovering above HIS head.

"Well… you pretend that real life is an RPG! I have a great plot thought up and everything!" you explained, jumping around happily. A few minutes later you finally stopped your happy dancing and looked at Tyki with glee. Well, twisted, sick glee. He would join your game, or else.

"… What kind of plot?"

"To find the missing socks! They've been going missing for ages now!"

"… Sounds fun, I'm in!" Tyki agreed, a large sweatdrop on the back of his head after seeing your face. He knew what you were capable of. He'd seen the pictures. He'd heard the tales. And he'd seen the poor innocent human victims too.

He rather enjoyed living, although he didn't fancy his Noah side. And so that is how he came to search for the missing socks with you.

Of course, his presence cause chaos at the order, but you didn't care.

Eventually you DID find the socks. And it turned out they were only missing because you yourself had taken them, and forgot about it.

Kanda did not approve…

**[Bloopers]**

"Oh snap! Random encounter!" you yelled, before you a vicious akuma stood. Okay, it was just a piece of cardboard with some paint on it, but nonetheless!

Tyki sighed, scratching his hair. Just as he was about to strike the akuma, you screeched at him.

"YOU IDIOT! IN AN RPG, YOU GOTTA USE TURN BASED ACTION! IT'S MY TURN, YOU GOTTA WAIT!"

"WHAT?"

"HMPH!"

* * *

><p>"Oh snaaaaaap…. There's a boss in front of us!"<p>

This time, a real akuma was flying in the air before you. The only reason it didn't attack had to be because of Tyki's presence, you concluded.

"Alright! A ONE HIT K.O!" you yelled with triumph, striking down the akuma easily. And Tyki stood there, sighing.

"How come you ALWAYS go first?"

"I have higher agility. I'm more of a thief class… you're like… mage… Cause you're too lazy to hit anything yourself… you just use those butterflies… Hmm.. Maybe a warlock is more fitting then!"

"Forget I asked…"

* * *

><p><strong>Ritsu: You only got two bloopers… but…<strong>

**Yuu: You should work on your goddamn homework!**

**Ritsu: But.. I'm failing history anyway… **

**Yuu: What about the one for Swedish class?**

**Ritsu: … Well we get tomorrow to work on it too….**

**Yuu: Work, woman!**

**Lavi: Give her a break… She finally managed to get an update out! Be happy for her!**

**Ritsu: Thank you… :'D**

**[1] Miranda uses her 'Time Record' Thusly… a pun.. XD**

**[2] Timothy is only in the manga so far (They have to make more anime! D: ). So unless you've read past the anime's end, you won't know who he is. **


End file.
